Button-Down Kinda Life

The world is seemingly ordinary and boring. it makes you think if there is any real supernatural phenomena that lies underneath all this seeming sameness. I’m not talking about ghosts and monsters either, although I do admit that supernatural phenomena does excite and terrify me. I’ve been reading Wikipedia this past few weeks, trying to gobble up as much info on such seemingly unexplainable. How do we find out what’s at the end of the universe? Is there a wall that encompasses this whole reality? Is there something beyond that wall? All this talk happens usually when one is out with friends… maybe drinking beer, or generally just pondering the nature of true reality. This makes me wonder how intelligent early philosophers like Socrates were, to have been able to grasp a little bit about the true nature of the universe. Then again, maybe part of it is ingrained in the old collective psyche of humankind. All in all, this makes for some great points to ponder, if you truly believe that there is something underneath what our ordinary senses tell us. And if there is, isn’t it amazing how much of the reality is truly unexplored, and how little we know about it?

Isn’t it funny how fast technology has evolved? I remember seeing the first pc my family bought and spend hours just watching it boot up. Imagine my reaction when i got to use a colored pc (Boy, nothing could top this!). How about cable? I even remember the heydays of pagers and easycall, when it was the must have accessory for conios and wannabes alike. Woe betide the person who didn’t have even a low tech one!

Now fast forward just a few years later, and you’ll find me on my monobloc chair (a great invention I might add), glued to the computer. All in all, thankful enough never to have used a typewriter.

The internet has changed much of the way we handle information. To me, it stands as the most significant invention of the past 20 years. Having started as a military project, it has become a staple not only in information, but also communication. The days of chatting on the phone has been replaced by instant messengers for the internet crowd. There is youtube, which allows a person to view millions of videos of every possible thing. Dogs crapping, to the old 80’s video you’ve always wanted to see again. Hell, we have internet celebrities like Tay Zonday and Samwell, whose fame is based on a mostly free enterprise.

Here in the Philippines, due to poor infrastructure, it takes a long time for technology to become mainstream, but if it’s useful and cool enough, then it will happen. Cellphones are the primary example of this. I was in high school when cellphones were just being introduced to the masses. It only about 5 years ago that it became the necessary gadget for everyone.

Technology the past 150 years or so has evolved faster than we’ve ever seen it. Seriously, what changes were made between, say, 1089 AD to 1357 AD (random years I chose)? Without looking at Wikipedia (another indispensable tool for the cramming student and the bored alike), I’d say not much. Which leads me to believe I’d be living on Mars in a few years.

And then nothing could top that!

When I was in grade school, I dreamed of great things. Basketball player, president, senator… I knew I would succeed because I believed so much in my abilities that I knew even half-assing would bring me greatness. This feeling held throughout most of highschool. I dreamt of being rich, of owning mansions. That BMW I see would soon be reality for me. I was on an unstoppable path towards greatness as only someone destined to be, could be. And I believed all of this.

In college though, something changed. Maybe it was the effect of growing old, maybe it was the onset of cynicism that destroys fantasies. Maybe it was just me being a realist. Perhaps the state of the country had something to do with this, or the fact that I was a naturally lazy person who could rely on my natural abilities rather than on any hard work. Maybe I was losing my edge. I no longer loved money as much as I used to (although you can never say no). I grew bored of politics and business and drawing (I still liked writing - thank God). I was faced with a crisis! I still kept my fantasies, but they were no longer centered around the usual things people wanted. I was in search of a passion.

It was a combination of this change, plus an apparent lack of ability to think ahead, that contributed to my “dulling”. I was always a “for-the-present” guy. I rarely thought about the future, and when I did, it was with abstract ideals like “happiness”, “success”, “fulfillment”. It was  never anything concrete, never anything to say that “Look, this is what I want to do.” For a person who always lives for the moment, this is very hard to do.

In many ways though, I’m glad that I still  have the dreamer in me. Perhaps he dreams of other things now, like working for an non-profit environmental organization, or seeing as much of the world as he can, or writing columns… but he still dreams. And I still believe in my abilities. Looking back now, losing that “edge” could have been nothing more than changing the blade. And the wielder of the knife is so unused to seeing a new blade that he perceives dullness where there is sharp steel.

Having lived in the city my whole life, I’ve become used to seeing cars, buildings, people - the lights, sounds, the hustle and bustle of cities in general. I can’t even imagine how a true cosmopolitan city like Paris would feel like.

I imagine myself looking down on Metro Manila to see the people skittering like ants, each one of them wanting a piece of the crumb that fell from the Skyflakes I would be eating. I see a machine that runs constantly, generating a constant stream of activity that powers the city below.

I don’t mind this lifestyle. In fact, I gaze in wonder at buildings and infrastructures, thinking to myself how far we’ve come in terms of progress and science. Who was the genius who thought of currency? The very fact that it made lives revolve around pieces of paper? How did man figure out how to create the light bulb? What sort of mind can think of ways to make life automatic and seamless? Our cities stand as living monuments to our greatness.

There are days however, when I wish I could stop time as it is right now, and live for the moment. I find that days go by so fast, and that I rarely have the time to appreciate them anymore. Today becomes yesterday too quickly. The days I get to think about these, are the days I just want to get away from it all. Live in the mountains perhaps? See the world? Go on an adventure? I’d like to experience all these and let the moments stick forever.

As Homer Simpson once said:

I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors — oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?”

Maybe one day, I’ll change the world, and some kid will think, “Man this guy was something special”.